Masks as Retainers: How We Heal Through the Identities We Wear

Brought and Written to you by, Christine Free Sabo, The LCMHC Mystic.

We Were Never Meant to Be Maskless

In the self-development world, we talk a lot about “removing masks” or “finding your authentic self.” But after years of clinical work and hundreds of conversations with clients, mystics, and seekers, I’ve come to understand something more nuanced, more compassionate, and far truer, in my professional and mystic opinion:

Masks are not lies. Masks are not failures. Masks are retainers-realigners.

Just like Invisalign, masks hold us together while we grow into alignment. They brace us. They stabilize us in a slow pace that is manageable. Masks help us function when the internal structure isn’t strong enough yet.

This exploration blends psychology, neurodiversity, trauma theory, and mystical symbolism. It is a continuation of the threads we’ve been weaving together in my podcast, The LCMHC Mystic Musings:

• Episode 2 revealed how the mind filters reality.

• Episode 3 showed how alignment with God & nature allows us to see ourselves more clearly.

• Episode 4 examined how our earliest family roles become our first masks.

And now, in this blog, we bring in episode 5, which explores how those masks function in real time, not as barriers to authenticity, but as gentle orthodontic devices shaping the psyche.

Psychoeducation

So, what is masking? Masking is often misunderstood as “pretending” or “being fake.”Clinically, masking is adaptive behavior, a set of adjustments we make to remain safe, accepted, connected, or regulated.

People may mask by:

• altering tone, posture, expression

• suppressing internal discomfort

• rehearsing social scripts

• hiding overwhelm or emotional truth

Masking emerges from:

• the human need for connection

• fear of rejection

• environments that reward conformity

• trauma, inconsistency, or unsafe attachment

Masking is protective — until it becomes chronic.

Research consistently shows that sustained masking is associated with:

• emotional exhaustion

• anxiety and depression

• decreased sense of self

• difficulty identifying internal states

When a mask becomes rigid, it stops holding us together and starts holding us back.

Citation:Hull, L. et al. (2017). “Putting on my best normal”: Social camouflaging in adults with autism spectrum conditions. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 47, 2519–2534.

Getting deeper, looking at masking in specific groups, such as neurodivergent. One of the most misunderstood forms of masking is autistic camouflaging. This type of masking is full-body, multi-layered, and often lifelong.

Autistic individuals may mask by:

• suppressing stimming or sensory responses

• forcing eye contact

• copying social timing or humor

• rehearsing conversations

• pushing through sensory overwhelm

Importantly:This is not a choice. It is a survival response to a world structured around neurotypical norms.

Research shows:

1. High camouflaging = higher distress.

   Autistic adults who mask more report greater anxiety, depression, and emotional strain.

2. Masking leads to burnout, delayed diagnosis, and identity disruption.

Citation:Cook, J. et al. (2021). Camouflaging in autism: Examining the roles of sex, gender, and diagnosis. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders.

Other neurodivergent groups, such as ADHD, masking looks different. It is less social mimicry and more performance-pressure survival.

People with ADHD may mask by:

• overcompensating to hide disorganization

• mirroring others to avoid rejection

• forcing calm when overstimulated

• working twice as hard as peers

• suppressing enthusiasm or impulsivity

This type of masking often leads to:

• burnout

• inconsistent self-esteem

• delayed diagnosis

• identity confusion

Citation:Miller, M. et al. (2022). Concealment and compensation in ADHD: Impacts on diagnosis and mental health. Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorders.

Another group, not necessarily neurodivergence, but in all individuals, masking can also appears in emotional and spiritual spaces.

People use emotional masks to:

• maintain peace

• avoid conflict

• earn love or approval

• hide vulnerability

People use spiritual masks to:

• appear “wise,” calm, or enlightened

• suppress anger or grief

• belong in spiritual communities

• avoid being seen as “un-evolved”

These masks are not failures.They are strategies of connection and identity regulation.

But the group that I saved for last, are those individuals that have experienced trauma. Trauma masks are the most rigid because they form automatically and early. They are not chosen, they are wired in.

Trauma masks can look like:

• the pleaser

• the peacekeeper

• the strong one

• the invisible one

• the perfectionist

• the hyper-independent survivor

Trauma masking protects the psyche from:

• unpredictability

• emotional volatility

• rejection or punishment

• overwhelm and dysregulation

Trauma mask = scar tissue of the psyche.

These masks are often layered on top of neurodivergent or emotional masks, complicating unmasking. Just like how Invisalign gradually shift teeth, masks gradually shift identity.

Masks:

• stabilize us during change

• hold us through healing

• support transitions

• prevent “emotional cracks”

• brace us during internal reorganization

Scaffolding explains this even further. Scaffolding supports a structure until the structure can support itself. Masks do the same for the self. There are no bad masks, only masks that no longer fit.

Psycho-spiritual Education

Across cultures, masks were never about deception. They were portals, they were initiation objects, and they are identity bridges.

Brief examples:

• Shamanism: masks call in healing spirits.

• Egyptian mysticism: priests wore god-forms to channel divine qualities.

• Greek theatre: persona literally means “through sound,” amplifying truth.

• Kabbalah & Christian mysticism: veils reveal truth only when the soul is strong enough.

Archetypes include (not limited to): Warrior, Sage, Healer, Orphan, Rebel, these act as masks we inhabit until the lesson integrates. Masks are not obstacles.They are thresholds.

Citation:Eliade, M. (1964). Shamanism: Archaic techniques of ecstasy. Princeton University Press.

From the LCMHC Mystic lens, masking isn’t something that happens only in the mind. It’s a full-system event, a shift across mental, emotional, and physical subtle bodies.

Just like Invisalign gently shapes the teeth over time, masks shape these bodies until they’re ready for deeper alignment. Each subtle body has its own “retainer,” its own way of holding us together while we grow. I didn’t go deep due to time on my podcast, plus, I feel this topic is fascinating all on its own, so I am going to go just a little bit more in depth here in my blog:

1. The Mental Body — The Cognitive Retainer

The mental body uses masking as a way to create structure, clarity, and predictability.

Here, the mask works like a retainer that keeps our thoughts from becoming too scattered or overwhelming. The mental mask is a thought scaffold; it stabilizes us when our inner world feels chaotic. But just like Invisalign, if the mental retainer stays on too long, it can become no longer stable. It can prevent creativity, and authentic expression.

2. The Emotional Body — The Feeling Retainer

Masks in the emotional body are created to buffer overwhelm and keep the nervous system within a tolerable range. Think of this mask as the emotional Invisalign tray: it holds everything tightly in place, so the person doesn’t “crack” under pressure. This mask isn't dysfunctional, it’s protective. But if emotional masking becomes chronic, it can restrict the flow of true feeling, disconnecting someone from their own heart.

3. The Physical Body — The Somatic Retainer

Before the mind even identifies a mask, the body has already put one on. The physical body is the first responder in any situation involving safety, threat, or belonging. This is the most literal form of a retainer: the body holds a shape to keep you aligned in the way the world expects. But as we heal, the body becomes safe enough to release the bracing, and the mask begins to soften.

How the subtle body resembles the Invisalign metaphor makes the metaphor becomes incredibly powerful.

Invisalign works by:

• gradual pressure → not force

• gentle shifts → not rupture

• sequential trays → each mask serves a purpose

• building stability →  before the next adjustment

Healing works the same way.

Mental masks → stabilize thoughts → Emotional masks → regulate overwhelm → Physical masks → keep the nervous system safe. None of these masks are mistakes. They’re temporary aligners. But once the true alignment begins forming you don’t need the old retainers anymore. As you grow, your subtle bodies say: “I can hold my shape now.”

It’s important to be able to tell the difference between healthy masks/retainers versus misaligned masks/retainers.

Healthy Masks

• FlexibleIntentional

• Temporary

• Regulating

• Supportive

Healthy masks help you practice who you're becoming.

Misaligned Masks

• Rigid

• Survival-based

• Identity-fused

• Emotionally costly

Misaligned masks were never meant to be permanent they simply stayed too long. I think it is very important as a clinically licensed therapist to express ethical standards and practices. Clinically, masks should never be ripped away.

Premature unmasking can cause:

• emotional flooding

• retraumatization

• identity collapse

• relational rupture

Our ethical role as clinicians is to:

• pace the shift

• honor the protector

• track capacity

• support the nervous system

• strengthen internal structure

We are not removing masks.We are helping clients evolve into selves who no longer need those masks and can wear healthy authentic retainers in environments where they are able to feel authentic but still safe. Masks hold us together until we can hold ourselves. They scaffold us, shape us, protect us, and guide us. When we understand them not as deceptions but as developmental tools, we soften toward ourselves and toward each stage of who we’ve been.

Download the E-Workbook + Personalized Meditations

If this resonated, you can download the E-workbook that accompanies Podcast Episode 5.

If you’d like a personalized meditation based on your specific retainer-mask, you can reach out to me through my Ko-fi shop. There is also a free meditation available both on Ko-fi and my YouTube channel, linked here in this blog as well. I would love to support you in a way that feels deeply aligned.

Thank you for taking the time to explore these concepts with me. Your willingness to look inward, with nuance, bravery, and compassion is the very thing that creates change, both individually and collectively. I’m grateful to walk beside you in this ongoing journey of healing and realignment.

You are everything and nothing less.— Christine Free, The LCMHC Mystic

References (APA Style)

Cook, J., Ogden, J., & Winstone, N. (2021). Camouflaging in autism: Examining the roles of sex, gender, and diagnosis. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 51(8), 2540–2552.

Hull, L., Petrides, K., Allison, C., Smith, P., Baron-Cohen, S., Lai, M. C., & Mandy, W. (2017). “Putting on my best normal”: Social camouflaging in adults with autism spectrum conditions. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 47(8), 2519–2534.

Miller, M., Loya, D., & Kuckertz, J. (2022). Concealment and compensation in ADHD: Impacts on diagnosis and mental health. Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorders, 14(3), 221–233.

Eliade, M. (1964). Shamanism: Archaic techniques of ecstasy. Princeton University Press.